Bypassing accountability with "radical responsibility"

When good things are used for evil.

Radical responsibility is a common philosophy amongst the sovereign & spiritual spaces for good reason, in my opinion. It is the practice of fully owning your thoughts, feelings, actions, and experiences—without blame, victimhood, or excuses. It means recognizing that, while we may not control everything that happens to us, we do have power over how we respond, interpret, and move forward.

This mindset/philosophy shifts our focus from external circumstances to personal empowerment, fostering growth, healing, and transformation. It’s personally helped me overcome birth trauma and on a meta level, take my life into my own hands. It is the foundation of my birth prep and birth trauma book.

I wanted to preface with this because, before I get into the point I want to make, I want it to be clear that, if anything, my bias is towards embracing radical responsibility as opposed to knocking it. Although I find the concept of radical responsibility life-changing and empowering, I also believe it can be weaponized (like most things).

If you are someone who values the foundation of radical responsibility in their life, I urge you to ask yourself this question:

Am I using radical responsibility to deflect my own responsibility to show up as a conscious human with dignity and consideration for others?

I believe that radical responsibility can be twisted into a form of gaslighting if used manipulatively & carelessly. If someone pressures another person to take full responsibility for a situation while ignoring external factors—such as abuse, manipulation, or deep systemic issues—they are grossly misusing the concept.

This is how one can disempower & silence people. This is how one can completely shift accountability of their own actions by telling someone to pay attention to their own life, essentially. Totally avoiding looking in the mirror and completely missing the mark on having any compassion.

For example, if a person mistreats someone and then tells them, “You need to take radical responsibility for how you feel,” they are shifting blame unfairly and invalidating the other person’s experience. True radical responsibility is about personal empowerment, not self-blame or dismissing real harm done by others. It should never be used to justify toxic behavior or avoid accountability.

I’m gonna break down my thoughts even further below.

How I have seen radical responsibility weaponized recently:

• Gaslighting & Manipulation: People in power (ie: leaders, teachers, coaches) may use radical responsibility to shift blame. Example: “If you feel disrespected or hurt, that’s on you, not me.”

• Avoiding Accountability: Instead of acknowledging wrongdoing, someone may tell the harmed party to “take responsibility” for their decisions. Example: “You’re choosing to be upset” or “You chose this” instead of acknowledging their hurtful actions.

• Toxic Positivity: Overemphasizing personal agency while dismissing real struggles, trauma, or systemic issues. Example: “If you just shifted your mindset, you wouldn’t feel this way.”

I want to reiterate that I believe radical responsibility can be so helpful when used correctly. So I wanted to share some thoughts on how you can own your power without excusing harmful behavior:

• True radical responsibility means owning your responses while also expecting others to be accountable for their actions.

• A healthy application includes a good dose of self-awareness, boundaries, and recognizing real harm done by others.

• Encouraging both self-responsibility and ethical accountability ensures the concept isn’t weaponized.

How to recognize when radical responsibility is being weaponized:

• Are you being told to take responsibility in a way that invalidates your experience?

• Is someone using this concept to avoid their own accountability?

• Are you being blamed for things beyond your control, such as abuse or systemic oppression?

Just some thoughts that have been heavy on my heart amidst watching the unfoldment of recent FBS allegations. I am seeing women on women violence. Women gaslighting other women for speaking up against darkness. Women being accused of being stuck in “victimhood” for sharing their lived experience.

It’s Mean Girls: Birth Edition.

I asked Chat GPT to give me an example of the misuse of radical responsibility and I was shook at how relevant it was:

Spiritual & Coaching Communities Bypassing Harm, Example:

A leader emotionally manipulates students, pressuring them to follow her teachings without question. When someone speaks out, she responds, “You’re projecting your wounds. You need to take radical responsibility for your triggers.”

🔹 How It’s Misused: The leader shifts blame onto the student, making them feel like they are at fault for being hurt instead of addressing how she contributed with her own harmful behavior.

🔹 Healthy Alternative: Radical responsibility should encourage self-awareness, not blind self-blame. It’s possible to take responsibility for personal triggers while also holding others accountable for their actions.

Of course before anything else, I say…go to God. We shouldn’t be putting all of our hope in humans. God can lead us, give us discernment, protect us, refine us, and give us clarity. These are all necessary when navigating life because, let’s face it: deception is all around us. This world is fallen & we all need Jesus.

With so much LOVE,

Tiff