This was a really great read, especially for me right now- 2 days away from my first birth.
I’ve had an interesting journey so far with a strong desire to give birth naturally with as little intervention as possible. I feel like when you’re pregnant for the first time, everything happens so fast and you’re trying to do as much research as possible on all angles and it’s really overwhelming.
My partner was happy to pay for the costs of a home birth if that’s what I wanted and I initially did as it seemed like the best way to achieve a low interference birth. But more research on home midwives had me questioning that with stories I read of women’s personal experiences with midwives. It seemed like they weren’t much different in the home setting as the hospital as they all had to check the same boxes to keep their accreditation in Australia. I figured I may as well save us 3-5k and give birth in hospital.
Free birth was always in the background of my mind as a dream situation, but I really didn’t feel comfortable with finding someone to help me with that online, and I know I’d want that kind of support from an experienced woman if I was going to free birth. There was of course also some fear mongering from my doctor warning me against anyone who wasn’t a part of the formal medical system and judgements and implications of the irresponsibility of going that way. Everything felt so rushed and I ended up just trying to find middle ground.
So I decided to go the hospital route but with no drugs, and a birth plan outlining my wants to be essentially left alone for the process. Throughout my pregnancy, I haven’t been to all the hospital checks they want you to go to, I haven’t had any of the vaccinations they try to give you, and I’ve definitely felt pressure and fear mongering from midwives about that. The general culture I’ve experienced in the hospital has been one of fear of birth. Doctors and midwives don’t give off the energy of birth being normal. It’s always something to be concerned about. It’s very strange and tiring to deal with and actually gives you less of a sense of trust in them because they’re so obsessed with problems and complications
But anyway! I got the surprise news a week ago at 37 weeks that I will need to get a c-section- the absolute last thing I wanted. Some major things weren’t noticed on my scans (they preach the importance of regular scans but then only read the report and don’t actually look at them?? Makes sense) but a doctor finally saw the images and due to a transverse lie and scar tissue I’m completely unable to give birth vaginally.
For this, I’m obviously so grateful to be able to take advantage of this surgery that I wouldn’t have had access to in the past and instead would have faced an incredibly difficult if not impossible natural birth. But I have felt guilt around not being able to give my child the natural entrance into the world I wanted for him. So I can’t imagine how it would feel if I was a part of a free birth community that was judging me for something that I am already judging myself for
There’s so much pressure in such a small amount of time to make the best decisions you can for your birth. In my mind I just want to go back to a few hundred years ago, and give birth with the women in my community as support and guidance. There’s so much pressure on the individual now to know everything and get it all right, instead of birth knowledge being something we grow up with and learn over time by seeing other women go through it. We didn’t need to know everything individually because there was community
Regardless, 2 days out from my surgery I’m very happy, positive, and excited to meet my son. It’s all out of my control and there’s something freeing about that. I can focus on all the positives and let it be.
Awww congratulations mama! At this time, I’m sure you have already had your sweet baby! I pray that all went smoothly and beautifully for you and your family 🫶 thank you for sharing your story with me! It’s a perfect example of the importance of nuance in the birth space!
Thoroughly enjoyed this read! ❤️✌️ I too read portal during my wild pregnancy, intending for a freebirth. After 8 hours of extremely painful labour with no “progression” I asked myself the question…”Do I want to give myself the permission to ask for help?” something I have never done my whole life, always moving through challenges with the mantra “If someone else could do it, so could I.”
But decided in this moment, I was ready to change the narrative. And ended up going to hospital and having a long, but incredible powerful birth that I feel proud of.
This post has given me extra validation in my decision, thank you for sharing ❤️
What a beautiful birth —thank you for sharing that with me! The secret recipe to a positive birth experience is definitely doing it on YOUR terms—no matter what that looks like. I had a similar experience with my second/daughter’s birth. I’m so grateful for transferring and “outsourcing” when needed. Cheers to *not* falling for the freebirth dogma. Thank you for taking the time to read 💕
I am in midwifery school. I have a lot of respect for freebirthers. Not everyone has access to a lisenced midwife that aligns with them, not everyone can afford one, and simply put not everyone needs them or will turn out to need them. Of course, you don't always know!
I was imaging a freebirth with my first. I started midwifery care late and thought maybe I just wouldn't call the midwives. In the end I had a 67 hour asynclitic labor and leaned on the midwives heavily to show me how to turn the baby and assure me that I was not ill or dying. They were very respectful of my desire not to have pitocin or active management after birth and I did hemmhorage but was fine! Afterwards, I told my midwife I was shocked by how much I needed her and she said oh, your baby would have come out eventually. I said I was grateful I did not go to the hospital and she said that in her view that biggest problem with freebirth is a lot of women end up in the hospital unnecessarily, either thinking that something is wrong during a normal birth or because of a minor issue that a midwife could easily have helped with.
Still, I do think freebirth is a valuable option for women to have and own. However, I do disagree with Yolanda and Emilee for founding a freebirth midwifery school and a doula school where they advertise to initiants how much money they will make. If you're going to have a strange woman watching you birth and taking your money, why choose one who doesn't know how to resuscitate a neonate?
Wow, thank you for sharing your story and perspective. It makes me think about my second birth that was assisted by a midwife, but how I wanted so badly to just freebirth; however it was such a challenging birth that ended in a hospital transfer. It actually saved our lives. It’s sad to think back to how much I gaslit myself and felt shame around my story because I needed help in that birth. It’s refreshing to have a more open mind and see the nuance in birth. Funny because I feel like that word gets thrown around so much in the FB community, yet there isn’t very much nuance accepted in that space. How does it feel to be in midwifery school? It has been on my mind a lot lately because, to your point, if you’re gonna be witnessed by a woman in birth, why not choose a woman with actual life saving skills?!
Wow this was so healing for me, i had a 6 day labour was awake for three days straight I was delusional but was holding on to the free birth vision i so badly wanted decided to go to hospital was met by absolute angel midwife’s who supported me in another 10 hours before I asked for intervention & was told by someone in the extremism community that I was healed enough & didn’t use my voice that’s why I had a c section the worst part she was talking about it to clients I hadn’t shared my birth with anyone because I wasn’t ready, it was like women where waiting to hear about it which is partly my fault because I shared so much of the journey but k was riddled with so much shame & guilt. Reading this gave me so much freedom thank you
Oh mama I’m so sorry you went through that with the extremist fb community. I totally can understand and relate to that. I just wanna say you’re a warrior for enduring such a long labor and having the wisdom to know when to ask for help. No shame in that. I too feel so healed and free after releasing that dogma from my life 🫶
Very good point! I think it really stems from a survival instinct, but as we evolve I think it’s important that we check this part of ourselves, to not fall for dogma and cult-like communities. In our modern age of social media, this is a topic that I feel needs to be addressed more, as we are constantly bombarded with new ideas and views every day!
I really like the nuance of this post. Having enjoyed three incredible births, I'm well aware of that ecstatic high of birth that makes you just desperate to see and do it again. I was privileged to have two amazing homebirths and a freebirth, which wasn't initially my choice, but in a failing maternity system, it was the only way not to have to go into hospital. But these were very private, personal choices. They were the right ones for me, but I'd never recommend freebirth because I cannot judge and weigh up risks for another. It was the right choice for me, but it certainly wouldn't be for everyone. Thank you for writing this!
I really enjoyed this essay, especially the connection about how as Christians we believe it’s wrong to judge others and think we’re always right. That’s something we ALL need to be reminded of every day.
I love this…more and more waking up to the cult-like behaviors and mindsets. The pretentiousness and all that jazz. Give me realness and embodiment. And I'm just an onlooker who has not had the fortune bearing a child into this world due to endo. But I feel your words. Thanks for sharing raw 💚✨
Mmmm this is such a good and resonant read. Thank you for the nuance and humility it embodies. Both of those characteristics are VITAL to this conversation, both as birth workers and as believers. Their absence is so much the crux of the issues inherent in the FBS cult. I also just feel like we may need you (and you be encouraged by us) in the nuanced Christian Birthkeeper community we’re building up far away from FBS and similar communities. And if you’d like to know more about that, let me know. I don’t want to spam you here. Thanks again for such a wonderful piece
Oh, Brooke! Thank you so much for your kind words. I love your podcast and work you do in the birth space - I’m very familiar 🫶 would love to tap into your community as I find my new role as a birthworker!
beautifully written reflection that resonates deeply 🙏🏻 I have a beautiful 15 month daughter, born via emergency cesarean after two days of labor.. one and a half “natural” and then the “cascade of interventions” leading to the birth of my greatest blessing ❤️ how many podcasts and articles in the free birth space criticizing this common occurrence, and rightly so, but the shaming and superiority complex exuded by some of the folks is deeply disturbing. I couldn’t agree with you more. When I heard the FBS podcast where she stated she would rather die or have her baby not survive freebirth rather than accept help from “the system” so many red flags went off for me.. i believe she has other children she would also be leaving without a mother..? Just heartbreaking she is so steeped in the koolaid that this could even be considered.. I dreamed of giving birth unassisted, surrounded by pine trees and fresh air! A beautiful vision, but for what ever reasons that was not a part of my karma ( for one I was due in January 😂) I thank God for nudging me in the direction of creating the right birth for me and my baby.. I deeply feared needing interventions and that is what ended up happening. it ended up medicated and surgical, but non the less sacred, non the less life changing, beautiful and profound. I don’t hold any blame myself or to the medical system for its part. Without the support of modern medicine, my doctor and nurses, likely my baby and I wouldn’t have survived. Was it terrifying and even traumatic? Absolutely. But it’s shown me how deeply strong I am, how powerful each and every women truly is.. no matter the journey 🙏🏻
Wow thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me, mama 🫶 I truly believe God gives us the births we need, sometimes it takes years for the hindsight & to fully understand the purpose in our experience. I also think that the shame/guilt that comes from the comparison mindset can be more harmful than the birth trauma itself (if there is even any). I’m happy you listened to the nudge from God to transfer and get the care your sweet babe needed 🫶
Yes, agreed 🙏🏻 “comparison is the thief of joy” I believe Teddy Roosevelt originally said. One of my favorite quotes I remind myself of frequently since becoming a mother. Thanks again, Tiffany. Look forward to following your posts in the future. All the best 🥰
I loved your essay, thank you. Ive been avoiding content about birth until now, i had my first baby 8 months ago, and I can tell i still have plenty of birth trauma to work through bc as i read the comments with everyone’s stories i get that panicky, heavy heart, can’t breathe feeling. Gotta Exhale. Your essay to me is mostly saying GRACE. We all need grace, grace to make the choices, grace in the process, grace integrating it all afterwards.
I wanted a home birth. I read all the books, did all the things. I thought God was telling me that after a lifetime of disempowerment, THIS, birthing my child outside of the oppressive medicalized system, would be the great moment of empowerment that everything in life has been leading up to. It would be the metaphysical shift in my life, I would come out the other side empowered as a woman and mother and i would BE different.
That’s not what happened. I ended up with an induction and c section, which felt pretty traumatizing to me. I struggled bonding with my baby postpartum, I couldn’t get back in my body, and I was upset and confused about why it went down like this. Why it felt like another disempowering moment in life.
I’m trying to get pregnant again (and hoping I am!) so everything’s back at the surface. realizing I’ll need to work through this all before- God willing- I get to do it again. It’s daunting. Yours is the first birth content I’ve delved back into, I’m scared to read natural birth content and feel those hopes and dreams crushed again. Anyways, I really appreciated this. ✨
Wow mama. I see you. I feel this *so* hard because what you’re describing sounds like me after the birth of my daughter, which was such a hard birth. Traumatic. Took me some time to integrate and even come back to birth work (I was a doula at the time). I thought I never would. It’s crazy how much time can heal on its own, but peeling back those layers. Asking the hard questions like: why do I feel ‘less than’ for having a birth like that? Am I proving something to myself or to others? What are my fears surrounding birth (& and even death)? Can I be empowered no matter what kind of birth I have?
I know for me, my daughter’s traumatic birth came with a big purpose in my life. I really didn’t know it back then, but I would go on to write a book, have countless birth debriefings with women, and lead a beautiful career in birthwork. I’m honored that this is your re-entry into birth-y content. In time, the pieces will come together. Congrats on trying for another sweet babe. Praying it all works out 🙏💛
THANK YOU for not sitting on this any longer. I have friends in full on Freebirth Society world, and overhearing those meetings makes me want to scream. I wanted a home birth, tried a home birth, and "failed." I've had a lot of complicated feelings about that. Eventually, those feelings inspired me to stop identifying with the crunchy community for all the reasons you share here. The dogma and lack of self-awareness is outrageous. I am grateful for how much less fear there is in my life now. Kudos to you for changing your mind when given the opportunity, too many people just double down.
I can't say enough about this post. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your experiences. Bottom line "women shouldn't be told what to do". Throughout my pregnancy, the birth-stagram world floods your feed with "how to's" and "shoulds" and I realized the best how to and should is my God given intuition. That intuition knows where it should be and where it wants to birth. I felt a lot of guilt, especially as a c-section mom, for not home birthing or birthing outside of a hospital. Only God knows why I ended up where I did. After teaching a Root Chakra class last night, sitting among two other c-section mothers (unbeknownst until the class unraveled), maybe my process and the intuition that lead me to birthing in the hospital was meant to sit with other mothers, with my child, with myself, and our Root Chakras- our right to belong- to learn how to adjust the lineage transfer of Root Chakra trauma, to heal it on this planet. Just a thought. Thanks so much for this share, your work in the birth field, and the blessed comments section.
I love this perspective 🫶 I can agree that sometimes we go through certain experiences to have a deeper understanding of others/of suffering/ of healing. God gives us the births we need. I have had three births, all very different. One very traumatic. One very healing. The whole journey has taught me so much, humbled me so much, and I’m deeply grateful for it all. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me 💕
This was a really great read, especially for me right now- 2 days away from my first birth.
I’ve had an interesting journey so far with a strong desire to give birth naturally with as little intervention as possible. I feel like when you’re pregnant for the first time, everything happens so fast and you’re trying to do as much research as possible on all angles and it’s really overwhelming.
My partner was happy to pay for the costs of a home birth if that’s what I wanted and I initially did as it seemed like the best way to achieve a low interference birth. But more research on home midwives had me questioning that with stories I read of women’s personal experiences with midwives. It seemed like they weren’t much different in the home setting as the hospital as they all had to check the same boxes to keep their accreditation in Australia. I figured I may as well save us 3-5k and give birth in hospital.
Free birth was always in the background of my mind as a dream situation, but I really didn’t feel comfortable with finding someone to help me with that online, and I know I’d want that kind of support from an experienced woman if I was going to free birth. There was of course also some fear mongering from my doctor warning me against anyone who wasn’t a part of the formal medical system and judgements and implications of the irresponsibility of going that way. Everything felt so rushed and I ended up just trying to find middle ground.
So I decided to go the hospital route but with no drugs, and a birth plan outlining my wants to be essentially left alone for the process. Throughout my pregnancy, I haven’t been to all the hospital checks they want you to go to, I haven’t had any of the vaccinations they try to give you, and I’ve definitely felt pressure and fear mongering from midwives about that. The general culture I’ve experienced in the hospital has been one of fear of birth. Doctors and midwives don’t give off the energy of birth being normal. It’s always something to be concerned about. It’s very strange and tiring to deal with and actually gives you less of a sense of trust in them because they’re so obsessed with problems and complications
But anyway! I got the surprise news a week ago at 37 weeks that I will need to get a c-section- the absolute last thing I wanted. Some major things weren’t noticed on my scans (they preach the importance of regular scans but then only read the report and don’t actually look at them?? Makes sense) but a doctor finally saw the images and due to a transverse lie and scar tissue I’m completely unable to give birth vaginally.
For this, I’m obviously so grateful to be able to take advantage of this surgery that I wouldn’t have had access to in the past and instead would have faced an incredibly difficult if not impossible natural birth. But I have felt guilt around not being able to give my child the natural entrance into the world I wanted for him. So I can’t imagine how it would feel if I was a part of a free birth community that was judging me for something that I am already judging myself for
There’s so much pressure in such a small amount of time to make the best decisions you can for your birth. In my mind I just want to go back to a few hundred years ago, and give birth with the women in my community as support and guidance. There’s so much pressure on the individual now to know everything and get it all right, instead of birth knowledge being something we grow up with and learn over time by seeing other women go through it. We didn’t need to know everything individually because there was community
Regardless, 2 days out from my surgery I’m very happy, positive, and excited to meet my son. It’s all out of my control and there’s something freeing about that. I can focus on all the positives and let it be.
Awww congratulations mama! At this time, I’m sure you have already had your sweet baby! I pray that all went smoothly and beautifully for you and your family 🫶 thank you for sharing your story with me! It’s a perfect example of the importance of nuance in the birth space!
Thoroughly enjoyed this read! ❤️✌️ I too read portal during my wild pregnancy, intending for a freebirth. After 8 hours of extremely painful labour with no “progression” I asked myself the question…”Do I want to give myself the permission to ask for help?” something I have never done my whole life, always moving through challenges with the mantra “If someone else could do it, so could I.”
But decided in this moment, I was ready to change the narrative. And ended up going to hospital and having a long, but incredible powerful birth that I feel proud of.
This post has given me extra validation in my decision, thank you for sharing ❤️
What a beautiful birth —thank you for sharing that with me! The secret recipe to a positive birth experience is definitely doing it on YOUR terms—no matter what that looks like. I had a similar experience with my second/daughter’s birth. I’m so grateful for transferring and “outsourcing” when needed. Cheers to *not* falling for the freebirth dogma. Thank you for taking the time to read 💕
I couldn’t agree more! ❤️❤️❤️
I am in midwifery school. I have a lot of respect for freebirthers. Not everyone has access to a lisenced midwife that aligns with them, not everyone can afford one, and simply put not everyone needs them or will turn out to need them. Of course, you don't always know!
I was imaging a freebirth with my first. I started midwifery care late and thought maybe I just wouldn't call the midwives. In the end I had a 67 hour asynclitic labor and leaned on the midwives heavily to show me how to turn the baby and assure me that I was not ill or dying. They were very respectful of my desire not to have pitocin or active management after birth and I did hemmhorage but was fine! Afterwards, I told my midwife I was shocked by how much I needed her and she said oh, your baby would have come out eventually. I said I was grateful I did not go to the hospital and she said that in her view that biggest problem with freebirth is a lot of women end up in the hospital unnecessarily, either thinking that something is wrong during a normal birth or because of a minor issue that a midwife could easily have helped with.
Still, I do think freebirth is a valuable option for women to have and own. However, I do disagree with Yolanda and Emilee for founding a freebirth midwifery school and a doula school where they advertise to initiants how much money they will make. If you're going to have a strange woman watching you birth and taking your money, why choose one who doesn't know how to resuscitate a neonate?
Wow, thank you for sharing your story and perspective. It makes me think about my second birth that was assisted by a midwife, but how I wanted so badly to just freebirth; however it was such a challenging birth that ended in a hospital transfer. It actually saved our lives. It’s sad to think back to how much I gaslit myself and felt shame around my story because I needed help in that birth. It’s refreshing to have a more open mind and see the nuance in birth. Funny because I feel like that word gets thrown around so much in the FB community, yet there isn’t very much nuance accepted in that space. How does it feel to be in midwifery school? It has been on my mind a lot lately because, to your point, if you’re gonna be witnessed by a woman in birth, why not choose a woman with actual life saving skills?!
Wow this was so healing for me, i had a 6 day labour was awake for three days straight I was delusional but was holding on to the free birth vision i so badly wanted decided to go to hospital was met by absolute angel midwife’s who supported me in another 10 hours before I asked for intervention & was told by someone in the extremism community that I was healed enough & didn’t use my voice that’s why I had a c section the worst part she was talking about it to clients I hadn’t shared my birth with anyone because I wasn’t ready, it was like women where waiting to hear about it which is partly my fault because I shared so much of the journey but k was riddled with so much shame & guilt. Reading this gave me so much freedom thank you
Oh mama I’m so sorry you went through that with the extremist fb community. I totally can understand and relate to that. I just wanna say you’re a warrior for enduring such a long labor and having the wisdom to know when to ask for help. No shame in that. I too feel so healed and free after releasing that dogma from my life 🫶
Thank you for seeing me babe 😭🤍
Great read. Thanks for sharing✨ It’s really too bad how strong the human tendency is to become rigid and tribal.
Very good point! I think it really stems from a survival instinct, but as we evolve I think it’s important that we check this part of ourselves, to not fall for dogma and cult-like communities. In our modern age of social media, this is a topic that I feel needs to be addressed more, as we are constantly bombarded with new ideas and views every day!
Yes yes absolutely
I really like the nuance of this post. Having enjoyed three incredible births, I'm well aware of that ecstatic high of birth that makes you just desperate to see and do it again. I was privileged to have two amazing homebirths and a freebirth, which wasn't initially my choice, but in a failing maternity system, it was the only way not to have to go into hospital. But these were very private, personal choices. They were the right ones for me, but I'd never recommend freebirth because I cannot judge and weigh up risks for another. It was the right choice for me, but it certainly wouldn't be for everyone. Thank you for writing this!
Wow, you’re so wise for this! Thank you for sharing your experience 🙏 I’m glad you enjoyed this piece!
Please keep writing! :)
I really enjoyed this essay, especially the connection about how as Christians we believe it’s wrong to judge others and think we’re always right. That’s something we ALL need to be reminded of every day.
Ahh thank you for reading my piece 🙏 I agree, we all need this reminder, I know I do! It’s humbling to have this revealed to me recently. God is good!
I love this…more and more waking up to the cult-like behaviors and mindsets. The pretentiousness and all that jazz. Give me realness and embodiment. And I'm just an onlooker who has not had the fortune bearing a child into this world due to endo. But I feel your words. Thanks for sharing raw 💚✨
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my piece and sharing your thoughts with me 🙏 I couldn’t agree more! We need more real & raw 🤍
Mmmm this is such a good and resonant read. Thank you for the nuance and humility it embodies. Both of those characteristics are VITAL to this conversation, both as birth workers and as believers. Their absence is so much the crux of the issues inherent in the FBS cult. I also just feel like we may need you (and you be encouraged by us) in the nuanced Christian Birthkeeper community we’re building up far away from FBS and similar communities. And if you’d like to know more about that, let me know. I don’t want to spam you here. Thanks again for such a wonderful piece
Oh, Brooke! Thank you so much for your kind words. I love your podcast and work you do in the birth space - I’m very familiar 🫶 would love to tap into your community as I find my new role as a birthworker!
beautifully written reflection that resonates deeply 🙏🏻 I have a beautiful 15 month daughter, born via emergency cesarean after two days of labor.. one and a half “natural” and then the “cascade of interventions” leading to the birth of my greatest blessing ❤️ how many podcasts and articles in the free birth space criticizing this common occurrence, and rightly so, but the shaming and superiority complex exuded by some of the folks is deeply disturbing. I couldn’t agree with you more. When I heard the FBS podcast where she stated she would rather die or have her baby not survive freebirth rather than accept help from “the system” so many red flags went off for me.. i believe she has other children she would also be leaving without a mother..? Just heartbreaking she is so steeped in the koolaid that this could even be considered.. I dreamed of giving birth unassisted, surrounded by pine trees and fresh air! A beautiful vision, but for what ever reasons that was not a part of my karma ( for one I was due in January 😂) I thank God for nudging me in the direction of creating the right birth for me and my baby.. I deeply feared needing interventions and that is what ended up happening. it ended up medicated and surgical, but non the less sacred, non the less life changing, beautiful and profound. I don’t hold any blame myself or to the medical system for its part. Without the support of modern medicine, my doctor and nurses, likely my baby and I wouldn’t have survived. Was it terrifying and even traumatic? Absolutely. But it’s shown me how deeply strong I am, how powerful each and every women truly is.. no matter the journey 🙏🏻
Wow thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me, mama 🫶 I truly believe God gives us the births we need, sometimes it takes years for the hindsight & to fully understand the purpose in our experience. I also think that the shame/guilt that comes from the comparison mindset can be more harmful than the birth trauma itself (if there is even any). I’m happy you listened to the nudge from God to transfer and get the care your sweet babe needed 🫶
Yes, agreed 🙏🏻 “comparison is the thief of joy” I believe Teddy Roosevelt originally said. One of my favorite quotes I remind myself of frequently since becoming a mother. Thanks again, Tiffany. Look forward to following your posts in the future. All the best 🥰
Yes! “Comparison is the thief of joy!” Such an important reminder for us mommas. Best wishes on your motherhood journey 🫶
I feel what you’ve written so much! The movement is cult-like!
I’m glad it resonates 🫶
I loved your essay, thank you. Ive been avoiding content about birth until now, i had my first baby 8 months ago, and I can tell i still have plenty of birth trauma to work through bc as i read the comments with everyone’s stories i get that panicky, heavy heart, can’t breathe feeling. Gotta Exhale. Your essay to me is mostly saying GRACE. We all need grace, grace to make the choices, grace in the process, grace integrating it all afterwards.
I wanted a home birth. I read all the books, did all the things. I thought God was telling me that after a lifetime of disempowerment, THIS, birthing my child outside of the oppressive medicalized system, would be the great moment of empowerment that everything in life has been leading up to. It would be the metaphysical shift in my life, I would come out the other side empowered as a woman and mother and i would BE different.
That’s not what happened. I ended up with an induction and c section, which felt pretty traumatizing to me. I struggled bonding with my baby postpartum, I couldn’t get back in my body, and I was upset and confused about why it went down like this. Why it felt like another disempowering moment in life.
I’m trying to get pregnant again (and hoping I am!) so everything’s back at the surface. realizing I’ll need to work through this all before- God willing- I get to do it again. It’s daunting. Yours is the first birth content I’ve delved back into, I’m scared to read natural birth content and feel those hopes and dreams crushed again. Anyways, I really appreciated this. ✨
Wow mama. I see you. I feel this *so* hard because what you’re describing sounds like me after the birth of my daughter, which was such a hard birth. Traumatic. Took me some time to integrate and even come back to birth work (I was a doula at the time). I thought I never would. It’s crazy how much time can heal on its own, but peeling back those layers. Asking the hard questions like: why do I feel ‘less than’ for having a birth like that? Am I proving something to myself or to others? What are my fears surrounding birth (& and even death)? Can I be empowered no matter what kind of birth I have?
I know for me, my daughter’s traumatic birth came with a big purpose in my life. I really didn’t know it back then, but I would go on to write a book, have countless birth debriefings with women, and lead a beautiful career in birthwork. I’m honored that this is your re-entry into birth-y content. In time, the pieces will come together. Congrats on trying for another sweet babe. Praying it all works out 🙏💛
Thanks for your thoughtful reply 🙏!
THANK YOU for not sitting on this any longer. I have friends in full on Freebirth Society world, and overhearing those meetings makes me want to scream. I wanted a home birth, tried a home birth, and "failed." I've had a lot of complicated feelings about that. Eventually, those feelings inspired me to stop identifying with the crunchy community for all the reasons you share here. The dogma and lack of self-awareness is outrageous. I am grateful for how much less fear there is in my life now. Kudos to you for changing your mind when given the opportunity, too many people just double down.
Yes!!! 🙌 It’s been a humbling & freeing unraveling journey. I’m happy it resonated with you! And you totally didn’t “fail” your birth :)
I can't say enough about this post. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your experiences. Bottom line "women shouldn't be told what to do". Throughout my pregnancy, the birth-stagram world floods your feed with "how to's" and "shoulds" and I realized the best how to and should is my God given intuition. That intuition knows where it should be and where it wants to birth. I felt a lot of guilt, especially as a c-section mom, for not home birthing or birthing outside of a hospital. Only God knows why I ended up where I did. After teaching a Root Chakra class last night, sitting among two other c-section mothers (unbeknownst until the class unraveled), maybe my process and the intuition that lead me to birthing in the hospital was meant to sit with other mothers, with my child, with myself, and our Root Chakras- our right to belong- to learn how to adjust the lineage transfer of Root Chakra trauma, to heal it on this planet. Just a thought. Thanks so much for this share, your work in the birth field, and the blessed comments section.
I love this perspective 🫶 I can agree that sometimes we go through certain experiences to have a deeper understanding of others/of suffering/ of healing. God gives us the births we need. I have had three births, all very different. One very traumatic. One very healing. The whole journey has taught me so much, humbled me so much, and I’m deeply grateful for it all. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me 💕
I hear you x thanks for speaking into it all
Thank you for reading sister 🙏💕
Loved this 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it 🙏